We’ve read some verses. We’ve taken some notes. We’ve thought about what we’ve read. Now, how do we live what we’ve learned? How do we help our children quit arguing? How do we quit arguing?
Assignment: Pray for wisdom. God has an infinite supply and He’s eager to give it to us.
Then open up your notebook. Let’s look at the notes you’ve taken from the past two lessons.
Look first at the notes you wrote under “What Sinful Attitudes Stir Up Strife?”. Where does strife come from? We see in the Bible that hatred, pride, anger, and lusts are all sources of strife.
If we’re dealing with strife in our homes, one of the first things we can do (after praying) is to look for deeper, root sins. What is behind the strife? Arguing and contention are simply symptoms of a deeper heart problem.
Of course, we should start by asking the Lord to help us see and repent of our own sins. Then we should prayerfully consider our children. What heart sins are feeding the strife and quarreling that plague our households?
Based on what we have read, we know we can look for:
- Proud hearts that trust themselves instead of God
- Angry hearts that rebel against God’s wise, all-knowing sovereignty
- Vengeful, bitter hearts that have elevated themselves into God’s place as the judge of others
- Selfish, covetous hearts that are willing to disobey God in order to get whatever they want
Again and again we come back to our relationship with God, don’t we? We and our children need to know God. We need to know who He is and who we are in relationship to Him.
We need to be in His Word because that is where He reveals Himself to us. We need to have His words laid up in our hearts and souls, and we need to be talking about them all through the day.
- We need to help our proud children see themselves in the light of God’s holiness and power. They will learn to rely on Him instead of themselves, and when they do that they won’t have to prove their worth to others or to themselves.
- We need to help our angry children realize they aren’t in control. God is. They will learn to trust Him as they see His faithfulness over and over. He is worthy of our trust. It’s a blessing to not be in control of our lives.
- We need to help our vengeful children understand that God has forgiven them, at the cost of His Son’s life. They need to be soaked in the Gospel. This will help them learn to forgive others.
- We need to help our self-centered children understand that life isn’t all about them and what they want or how they feel. It’s about God and His glory. This will help them choose to deny themselves and lay down their lives for others like Jesus did for them.
Our children are going to learn these truths by hearing and reading God’s Word. So that is where we should start when we’re dealing with quarreling and strife.
What are some practical ways to apply what we’ve learned about strife?
- Memorize some of the verses with your children so that you can recite them to each other instead of arguing. Proverbs 10:12, Romans 12:18, and Romans 14:19 are good ones to get you started.
- Use object lessons as you disciple your children. Strife and contention are compared to many things in Scripture, and these comparisons will help your children understand and remember.
- Let the children practice “retreating” from a potential argument, as Proverbs 17:14 recommends, instead of saying and doing things that release a flood of contention.
Role play hypothetical situations and how to respond.
Come up with a verbal cue you can all use with each other when someone is about to step into an argument. (“Are you about to open a floodgate?” or “I hear water running”, for example).
- Teach your children with your own example by being slow to anger and calming a potential dispute (Proverbs 15:18), instead of responding to disrespectful or rude children — or teenagers — with anger.
- Coach your children in becoming more patient and less quick to be angry.
- Talk about specific things they can say and do to pursue peace and build others up (Romans 14:19).
- Reevaluate what is actually important in your family. Proverbs 17: 1 reminds us, “Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife.” Is there confusion and strife in your home? Maybe you need less money and more parent-at-home time. Maybe your kids need less stuff and more real love. Perhaps a schedule crammed with sports and enrichment classes leaves no time for quiet. Or maybe, while trying to make your home a fun, child-friendly place, you’ve accidentally given the children the impression that they are in charge Reevaluating priorities may help bring peace to your household.
Look over your notes on strife. What else can you do to apply what you have learned? Share your ideas with the rest of us — here in the comments or on the Facebook group page!
For your children:
Do you have a place you can build a fire? Get out the marshmallows and graham crackers and gather the family. (If you can’t build a fire, you can still talk about these concepts together. But a campfire together will make it more fun!)
- Let the children watch as you build the fire, or let older ones help you.
- Read Proverbs 26:21 as you light the fire and watch the kindling start to burn. The quarrelsome person is like that kindling. He ignites strife. He stirs up conflict.
- When you’ve finished enjoying your fire, read Proverbs 26:20 together. Then spread your fire out and don’t add any new wood to it.
What eventually happens to the fire?
What happens to strife when no talebearer is feeding it?